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Re-defining FAILURE on a gorgeous Saturday Morning

August 28th, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind, to find out if they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.”  ~ William James

Today morning after Ariana’s swimming lesson, we got the report card. Back to Level 3. Again. For the 5th time.

Her instructor Stephie almost didn’t want to hand it over to me as she avoided eye-contact. Almost making it her very own failure. But when I took it from her with anticipation, saw the verdict ‘LEVEL 3’ on it, caught my breath & without a flinch genuinely thanked her with a smile for being so patient with Ariana – I could almost see a veil of self-imposed obligation lift from Stephie’s beautiful teal-blue  eyes…

‘So mommy, did I pass??? Do I get my 10 toys!???’ Ariana asked with great anticipation. [I promised her 10 toys {from Dollarama} if she put in her best efforts in doing as her instructor asked her to do & passing to level 4.]

‘Yes, baba! You get 5!!! You passed with flying colors in the efforts part but it’s not time yet to move to the next level’.

A little bummed, she was still happy with the outcome!

Now, I have my own share of contribution in frustrating the poor kid in the past by putting her into multiple – back to back – hour long lessons, thus chipping away at her level of interest & excitement. The more she lost interest, the more I put pressure on her without even realizing the root reasons. Then one day during her last session she talked & I finally HEARD her.

She told me that she was bored & being in the water for so long listening to her instructor was NOT FUN. At the same time she also said that she enjoyed being in the pool as long as it was FUN!

That day the life coach got a lesson from her 7 year old. As we sat down & identified what ‘FUN’ might look like, her lesson time got cut to half & her dream of swimming with Ariel in Disneyworld got another boost! Also, 10 toys from Dollarama seemed to get her going BIG TIME!

So, here we were yet another session later, back to level 3 all over again.

But instead of losing hope & giving up, I chose to notice the ‘slight’ change in her enthusiastic efforts.  I reminded myself that she still WANTS to do it, as long as I was able to make it FUN for her & not give in to her surface resistance.

So we went to Dollarama & got the 5 toys. She felt like a champion & voluntarily promised to focus more on ‘doing what her instructor asks her to do’ in the next session. We came back home & got her registered again.

For choosing to define FAILURE differently, the environment in the house today is positive. What could have easily killed this otherwise beautiful Saturday & closed the lid on the dream of her ever becoming a graceful swimmer  - there’s so much HOPE around that I can almost smell them!

Avoiding Taking ACTION

August 21st, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative [and creation], there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”

- W. H. Murray, from The Scottish Himalayan Expedition (1951)

I was about to post the above quote on Facebook as my daily dose of quotes and I froze. The inner snarky lady in my head lashed out in her shrill voice – ‘Did you forget how plain pathetic you are when it comes to taking that tiny step that you’re talking about?!’

I remembered and shrunk immediately.

I reminded myself how terrible – horrible – no good – very bad I really am when it comes to getting things done. It’s been almost a week since my partner has asked me to write an opening note for our website, and as usual, I find myself totally unable to put pen on the paper and start jotting my thoughts together.

I think I suffer from ADHD, in addition to a few other not so pretty disorders and when I can giddily whip up yet another vision board, dig out yet another passion that drives me wild or work endlessly towards making yet another uber cool mind-movie – I avoid taking ACTION towards a lot more important priorities like I avoid bird flu.

Sitting here typing this I realize just how incompetent all THIS makes me feel. It reduces my self worth to the size of a bug. A tinsy one.

But by now, thanks to my years of life coach training & endless trials to ‘fix’ myself, I’ve become good at catching the BAD thought that hides in the dark only to jump from behind & ambush me in an unsuspecting moment.

And these guys are unlimited in number. In the course of a usual day a human being has more than 65,000 thoughts & each of them has the potential to be the BAD one that can get you before you know it, unless you become very very AWARE of getting to identify them & know their motifs really well.

So I catch myself in the act & grab the bad thought – ‘I AM PATHETIC WHEN IT COMES TO TAKING ACTION’ for questioning. Byron Katie, a modern day Saint in my opinion, teaches an effective way called the ‘Inquiry Process’; where I get to question these bad guys & disarm them from turning me into a wet noodle. Here’s how the process goes:

Question #1: Is is true? [the thought that I'm no good in taking action]

My initial answer is ‘um.. yes it is!’

Question #2: Do I absolutely, for certain know that it’s true?

This makes me hault for a moment & ponder. I mean, I know that I don’t have a jet-set response when it comes to taking action, but given my own set of challenges & circumstances, I definitely have come a long way from my dead-end-dreadful days. So NO, I can not say that it’s ABSOLUTELY true that I suck in taking action.

Question #3: How do I feel when I think that thought?

Like a drab. As if I’m no good. Like I don’t belong & I should go take up a permanent spot in my bed.

Question #4: Who would I be without that thought?

Let’s see, if I could scoop out a spoonful of my brain that’s involved in producing that thought and I just couldn’t think it; I’d be free from feeling like a drab. I’d be free from the biting grip of self criticism… and that would make me feel good, actually.

At this point I really do start feeling good & look for evidence where I can prove my thought wrong. I think about how persistent I’ve been in changing things in my life for many years now. I remind myself the fact that I’ve literally taught myself all over again to think, eat, work and pretty much do everything from a whole different level of consciousness. How I fell down numerous times & got back up every time trying to first fix my breakfast, then my walking habit, then my daily meditation, the gratitude log and went on making small trim-tab adjustments along the way.

I start feeling compassionate about myself.

I see how wrong that thought is.

I free myself from the shame & guilt that false thought brought my way.

I feel motivated to take [a small] action.

After all ‘inch by inch, it’s a sinch… yard by yard, it is hard.’

I finally sit on my laptop to start writing that note that my partner asked me to write.

And low and behold…. I end up writing this blog post instead!!

HA! Some action after all!!! Makes me happy :)